Is a connection enough to keep something alive? Not in the sense of a living being. But in the sense of a relationship? Sometimes all we truly crave is connection. It is a vital component to our relationships. Without it can we survive? Sometimes though a connection may not be enough. How deep is the connection? Is it enough to sacrifice certain expectations or behaviors? These are all questions that may or may not come up for us all. If the connection is enough then where do we begin with it. I think maybe it is a realization that it is there is a first step. Then we have to determine the depth and power and decide if with time it will be enough to withstand the difficulties we encounter. Slow down and let the universe do it’s magic I suppose. Or not. As for me it is something…
We all go backwards sometimes. Is it a reason to continue backwards. Never. When we mess up we have 2 choices. Give up and throw in the towel. Or. Get up and shake it off understand why it happened and continue on our path. Mistakes happen. Not if but when. It’s our response that decides who we are. I have decided in spite of my mistakes I’m a strong woman who will not throw in the towel. I will keep on my path and know that I’m still a great person and that I’ve worked hard to get where I am. Nothing will take that from me. Nothing. So for anyone who messed up just shake it off. You can do this. Look at you. You are amazing.
Well I’m sure you guessed it. I have power. Hot water and all. Thank goddess. No really. Last night was the my new moon intention practice. I usually set 5 intentions. This time I set one. To have power today. I put all my energy and manifestations into that one intention. By lunch time my power was on. I love my craft and I love my power. *pun intended. Lol. I’m truly loving it here. Can’t wait to start on my renovation and outdoor decorating. Also can’t wait to share it all with you. Soo stay tuned.
This is one of my goals for this year. I want to be independent financially physically mentally and I definitely want to learn some diy and home improvement skills as well. So to start it off I bought a new door handle and lock for my rv door. After one lost screw an hour giving up 3 times and lots of cussing I installed it completely by myself. Now for anyone who knows me. I’m a Diva and that was a huge success for me. I’m super proud of myself. So on to more things. I’m gonna be ok 👌 oh yeah I found the screw. Lol
So I’m in central Louisiana. It snowed last night and is currently colder than a witches tit. I should know lol. I still don’t have power to my pole but am grateful for the extension cord power I do have. It’s pretty cold but I do have a heater that blows warm. Things in my life emotionally are also currently cold with just enough warmth to keep me going. I’m adjusting to this life and very much like my goddess’ story all things must die before being reborn. I have embraced this time of cold and death of certain things to make way for the beautiful spring that’s awaits in the next chapter. The moon is once again almost new. Time for setting new intentions and rising slowly back up. So with all that said I’m going to bed where it’s nice and warm with a hope and plan for a bright warm future.
Well things are better. I’m settling a bit. Still waiting for the power pole to be turned on. Any day now. I did start working for my former boss attorney again. Just after hours stuff but it keeps me busy and from thinking too much. Everything else is going ok. Time of course is the best healer. I’m still not happy with the way things turned out but I know that sometimes things are not in our control. We can’t change anyone. Not can we make anyone love us or fight for us. I’m accepting that and believing that I deserve more than that. I knew it once and it started to get away from me but never again. I have some really great people in my life and will be just fine. Anyway y’all have a great night and love yourselves.
Let’s start this year off right. With love hope and peace.
So tonight is the last full moon of 2020. Last night was my last night in Hornbeck. Things did not go well last night. The night ended with some finality and lots of tears. This morning I woke up and decided that that it was time to go. When your decisions are in line with the universe things fall right into place. It is now 24 hours after a horrible night and I’m sitting in my rv at a new location. It’s so peaceful and quiet. The vibe is positive. I’m still sad but that just means that my feelings were honest and true. As I go to bed I will release the things that no longer serve me and embrace another new chapter in my book of life.
Well today was not the best day. My dad passed away this morning at 11:00. He went to the hospital Tuesday with covid and pneumonia. Today he took his last breath. I have not had a relationship with him at all the past year. My whole life has pretty much been me trying to accept the fact he was never a dad to me at all. We had some moments that were good but the times I needed a dad the most he was absent. The last time we spoke things were said to both of us that were not good. He died alone in the hospital. Do I have regrets? Sure. But they won’t consume me or make me feel like a bad person. Shit happens. We all deal with rejection our own way. I’m sad he’s gone. Truly sad. More sad for those left to deal with his absence. I dealt with his absence a long time ago. I’m still numb from the news and hate he was alone. I am really just lost right now with everything going on in my world. This year has ended with a lot of finality and closed doors. I refuse however to allow myself to be bitter or negative. I will process all of this and come out better once again.
Just want y’all to know I’m still here. Don’t have much to say just blah. Not the best time for me. I guess I need to go get with my goddesses and find some peace. Having a hard time. I’ll try again tomorrow. But even the ones who always seem good aren’t and it’s ok.
Well today was much better aside from the butterflies in my stomach most of the day. It’s just me out here right now. He went to work out of town for a couple days. His choice. I have to say I’ve enjoyed the quiet and time for just me. I cooked a wonderful meal. Fried chicken potatoes corn. Enjoyed some tv. Then did a new project. Today was the new moon. I will do a ritual before bed for new intentions to finish this year. I have peace today. It feels really good.
Well it’s been a week. I can say my decision has been confirmed more than a couple times this week. Never have I felt as dismissed as I do this time. Sucks big ass. I did however spend some time with good friends today. Had an amazing meal and read some tarot cards. Much needed away time. Unfortunately I had to come back to this harsh reality. I now have 30 days to be off the property here. Another confirmation. I’ve had way shorter and way less serious relationships where I was at least fought for. Better to know it now rather than later. Anyway. I will walk into the dark again. The unknown and terrifying future. I will be better for it all I know. Just gotta go thru the shit storm first.
So it’s been raining all day. I’m laying in my bed and it sounds pretty crazy already. The winds are around 30 mph and my rv is shaking just a bit. Not too bad right now. I think I’ll take a nap 😴
Yay!!!! It’s the month of the witch. Stay tuned for more info…
Well it happened. I turned 49. Had a great birthday. My sweet Rob bought me a Celtic love knot necklace, made me a steak dinner Friday night and bought me some cool things. A big blue blanket for the couch, purple spray paint for my door and a visit to the chiropractor. All of my kids wished me a happy day. My daughter Adriana took us to dinner and brought gifts. I got to spend time with them and the cute boys. Watched football and my packers won!!!! So now On to the next year. I want to motivate and be ready for 50 with better eating exercise and overall health. It’s a new moon In a couple days so I will be setting intentions.
Well tomorrow I will be 49. Wow. That seems so old. But somehow I still feel young. Now granite in some ways I feel it. But honestly I love my life and where I am. My kids are all out on their own and the relationships I have with them are amazing. I truly feel like I accomplished something really big with them. They are all doing so well and growing and learning soooo much. I feel that I have accomplished a big achievement regardless of the reasons they are all amazing. I believe I have created my legacy. I have many years to continue teaching them and loving them but at least I know I have done good so far. I hope you all know how much I love you and am proud of you. Thanks for letting me continue to be your mom.
Well since the storm I haven’t had much time to write. Me and Rob made our 1 year. My granddaughter Irena turned 4. Grace graduated basic and is now in Monterey California. Work is going good. And I’m just steady fixing my little rv up. Today is Mabon. Sunday is my birthday and Stella is getting spayed tomorrow. Life is going pretty good. Well for now I want to go celebrate my holiday and relax….
Well our power is back on. I will be headed home in 30 minutes to put my home back in order. It’s been a long 10 days. From the fear of having no home to almost dying from carbon monoxide poisoning to living in the back room of the VCOA with our dogs and cat. To finally getting to go home. I’m truly thankful for everyone that helped us out and making it a comfortable enough 19 days. And I’m truly sorry to those who weren’t as lucky as us. So let’s get back to normal….ok j/k. Let’s get back to life.
Well it’s day 6. Got a shower today. Cold but absolutly the best shower I’ve ever had. Getting used to the homeless thing. I’m just glad we have somewhere to sleep with ac. Hopefully just 2-3 more days til power is back on. Well gonna go chill for a while.
So we are on our way to Alexandria to find gas and some hot food. This is definitely a nightmare. But I’m so glad to have this car with awesome ac. We are under a heat advisory for the next 2 days. Of course right now……really. Still no real plans on where we are gonna stay. Hopefully our power will be on by the end of the week like they say. We will probably just hop around until then. Well wish us luck.
So the above is a real thing and very dangerous. As Ive said robs parents got a generec installed to power their entire house. Lights went out generec came on. It’s been running since Thursday morning at around 2:30. We stayed there Thursday and Thursday night. I had a bit of a headache Friday when I woke up but we left and went to help friends and family around noon. We got home about 8-9. As soon as we got back my head started hurting again. I slept Friday night and I can’t remember much at all of Saturday except I was sick and my head was still really hurting. This morning rob really felt something was wrong. He also felt bad. He made me get up and go outside to the car to see if getting out of there helped. I was confused and really sick. We went to the medic station in Anacoco. My vitals were ok. They sent fire dept out and the house was saturated at 200 which is highly dangerous. Apparently the tank was located too close to the house and the fumes were going right in the house through the ac. We left and came to town where there is limited ac and no poison. Damn. We are very lucky.
So we all made it but everything is a mess. There are trees down everywhere and power lines twisted in ways I can’t even believe. I will post a few pictures on here of some of the damage. The biggest bummer is that our power is out Indefinitely. Soonest will be a week but more likely 3 weeks. My rvs are perfect which is a miracle. So now we clean up and wait for power.
It’s 2:30 in the morning. The rain and wind has just started to hit us here. The power already flickered off and on a few times. I’m sitting in the living room debating whether to go out and see what’s going on. But as I sit here I can hear things in the wind. Probably won’t go out. Lol. It made landfall about an hour and half ago. Well that’s what’s happening here. I’ll be back….
Well it’s a bit past 8:30. It’s pretty calm outside and it’s a nice Wednesday night. Wait…we have about 4 hours until Hurricane Laura makes landfall about 90 miles south of us. Right now it is a category 4 storm. But honestly, only 7 mph away from a category 5. We have gotten everything of value and things that can’t be replaced out of our rvs and have come about 500 feet away to Robs parents house. We are staying here tonight. It’s supposed to be a really bad storm. We are on the dirty side of the eye so most of the wind damage will happen here. We are completely prepared to wake up in the morning and not have our rvs anymore. It’s gonna be a long night. I will keep everyone as informed as I can. If you are in the same path be safe…..
Had a great day with my friend tiny and his kids. Also got to see an old friend from like 8 years ago. It was a great day.
Spending the day on Toledo bend in a pontoon boat with my dear friend tiny and his family. It’s a perfect day for it.