Category: my story

My sweet little brother. He was born 2 days before my moms birthday. Mostly what I remember about him as a baby is that he was sick a lot. He had a very weak immune system, and had to get shots of globulin regularly. He was also a definite mama’s boy. I was 4 when he was born. I have lots of memories of him a bit older but not too many of baby Brian.

I went to preschool but the only thing I can remember is riding the cute yellow bus. Yeah ok fine the short bus. The bus driver would go over these enormous bumps, well they seemed enormous to me. I would bounce up and almost hit my head. I hated it. Kindergarten was great. I had 2 teachers. Both women. MrsShirbinsky and mrs Gardner. They were both great. Very sweet and loving teachers. I also used to ride home with a boy named Bobby Farmer. His parents were older I remember. I used to bite my nails and they would always tell me if I didn’t stop and fingernail tree would grow inside of me. What?!! Really. First grade I remember having a club under the stairs to the buildings that housed the first graders. It was the coolest thing to go under there and feel like we were something cool. I honestly don’t remember much else about first grade. Second grade was my first kiss. Keith Green. We kissed behind the art easel. I don’t remember too much else about those early days. But I don’t have bad memories from school then.

Now on to my grandma. Gladys. She was a very stern woman and never really happy. She could cook but most of all she could bake. She was a woman of the home and didn’t work that I remember. Her and my step grandpa lived in a really nice mobile home park. They were typical grandparents. Her husband my grandpa Claude was very abusive to her and it turned her cold. My step grandpa was very gentle but he left. She then moved to a senior citizen home when her health got bad. She eventually had back surgery and couldn’t walk anymore. My mom moved her in with her in Texas. From there they moved to Las Vegas. Here my grandma passed away. She had 4 kids and one who died at birth. 2 boys and 2 girls. My grandma didn’t want any girls and didn’t like girls. She named her 2 boys Robert and james and dressed them as cut as can be. The girls were serilla sue and wilmetta Irene. They wore ragged out dresses and looked like orphans. It affected my mom as you will see.

The man my grandma was married to while I was growing up and living there was Bob. He was the most gentle man I have ever met. He was my first father figure. He worked in a foundry in Lafayette Colorado. He always wore this cover that went over his clothes. Like overalls but fully body. I remember walking into his to his room once while he was changing. His legs were exposed and I freaked out and went and told my mom that grandpa had legs. I had never seen him out of his work clothes. He was a hard worker. He loved my grandma even though she was a very unhappy and miserable woman. They split up around 1989. Grandpa ended up marrying another woman after that. They were married for 2 years and she died. I got in touch with him in 1993 and we talked a few times. He was living alone in an rv and very sad and lonely. The beginning of 1994 I got a call that he had committed suicide. Such a sad thing. He was such a good man and to get that news was heartbreaking.

My grandparents played an important role in my early years. Let me start with my grandfather. Claude Willis. He was a severe alcoholic his whole life. I don’t know much about him and only met him once. A couple days after I was born. He was in the hospital dying of psoriasis of the liver. My mom wanted him to meet me before he passed. She hurried to get me there in time. We made it. He got to meet me and hold me. When we left we got down to the parking lot and before we could leave the hospital we were told he passed away. He literally held on to meet me before he went. I love that story. I’m honored for that privilege.

The next post will be about my moms mom dad and stepdad. The played an important role for me.

Well I’ve been putting this one off. I guess I must have been around 6 when my mom starting dating this guy. He was polish with 2 daughters he got to see every other weekend. I believe we stayed there with him. He was a male chauvinist pig. I remember eating dinner one night and out of nowhere he smacked me across my face so hard that I fell out of the chair. Another night he didn’t like what my mom has cooked and dumped the whole pot of food on her head. But these weren’t the worst of John Kosteki. I remember bits and pieces of him taking me to the bathroom and making me touch him and perform oral sex on him. Why do I share this? Because we all have demons in our past that we don’t talk about. If we don’t they stay locked up and haunt us forever. Who I am today in spite of this and many other demons is proof that I made it out of all of that a much better person. I can share now because it doesn’t define me nor was it my fault. Where was my mom during these times. I honestly don’t know. But it doesn’t matter because it happened and it can’t be changed now. I encourage you to never live in the shadows of things that happened to you. Rise up and face those demons and then walk away empowered by your strength. I wish I could say it didn’t affect my life it did. But once I took its power I was better and for that I’m grateful. She didn’t stay with him long thank god. I have often wondered about his daughters. If they endured any of that from him too. I truly hope not. Thank you for reading.

This guy was an illegal from chihuahua Mexico. Not sure where or how my mom met him. I remember living in a tiny rv with them. I told my first big lie in that rv, after I colored the wall with crayons right above a hole in the wall. When asked I said that a little mouse came out and did it. That however isn’t the significance of Luis. He is the biological father of my brother Brian. We actually went to Mexico with him when my mom was pregnant. It was horrible and filthy. When we tried to come back to the US they stopped us because I was darker skin than her. We had to wait for my grandma to send my birth certificate so we could leave. None of us ever saw Luis again. Brian never met his dad.

After my mom and dad divorced she met Eddie. This is the one I was told about. I do not remember him. I was only 2. The significance of this man is simple. He would have been the father to my sister. My mom wasnt with him very long. But it was long enough for her to get pregnant. Then he left. I cannot begin to imagine what my mom was going through. Despite my own beliefs I do not judge her for her decision. Everyone has a right to do what they think is best. So did she. I know she struggled with the decision because it took her 5 months to finally have the abortion. By this time they knew the sex. Female. My mom told me she would have named her Tammy Lynn had she kept her. I was angry with her for years for her decision but at the end of the day who are we to judge someone else’s position, emotions and fear. She was alone with me already. She must have been terrified. I learned through my life not to judge anyone. Life is scary and making mistakes is even scarier. We all do the best with what we have and what we know.

This week I want to give you all a background of who I am and where I came from. I was born in Colorado. Thornton Colorado. Birth date September 27, 1971. My sun sign is Libra ♎️. My mom and dad divorced before I was 2. My mom raised me. She had another child 4 years after me. Brian. We lived in Colorado until 1979. We then moved to Utah. I will discuss my dad at a future time. My mom was unmarried until we went to Utah. She was with a few men I remember in the first 8 years. 3 that I remember. Well 2 I remember and one I was told about. I will introduce you to them in separate blogs. Please understand my childhood wasn’t the best but I do want to share my experience anyway.