Enough

Well today was not the best day. My dad passed away this morning at 11:00. He went to the hospital Tuesday with covid and pneumonia. Today he took his last breath. I have not had a relationship with him at all the past year. My whole life has pretty much been me trying to accept the fact he was never a dad to me at all. We had some moments that were good but the times I needed a dad the most he was absent. The last time we spoke things were said to both of us that were not good. He died alone in the hospital. Do I have regrets? Sure. But they won’t consume me or make me feel like a bad person. Shit happens. We all deal with rejection our own way. I’m sad he’s gone. Truly sad. More sad for those left to deal with his absence. I dealt with his absence a long time ago. I’m still numb from the news and hate he was alone. I am really just lost right now with everything going on in my world. This year has ended with a lot of finality and closed doors. I refuse however to allow myself to be bitter or negative. I will process all of this and come out better once again.